Meltdown is the term I use for my crying episodes. Most of the time it's for no reason in particular. I could look at Blake and think he's so cute and cry. Or it's 2am and he's crying and I'm exhausted and having a hard time dealing.
Today I was trying to get him to eat and then stay awake and he just wanted to go to sleep. I was upset, second guessing myself, and really needing assurance that I was doing okay. I started crying and praying that I would know that I was doing the right thing and then I waited to feel that reassurance from Heavenly Father. It didn't come. No feelings of peace came over me, no still small voice telling me that I am doing fine. It really upset me. I know that I'm not being ignored or left alone, but I still felt that way. I was so upset that I needed to talk to someone and I called Mar and she helped me to feel better. Then my boss called to check up on me. After that a co-worker called. Diane emailed me and Callie called. Everyone told me that I what I was going through was normal, that I was doing fine, and encouraging me.
It was then that I realized that even though I can't feel Him, he's watching over me and making sure I know that I am doing fine, that I am being a good mom. So for now I am comforted.
4 comments:
It is normal! I think I still have them sometimes! You are a great mom, don't you ever worry about that!
I concur with Lenette. (did I spell concu right? I really wish this had spell check...) I think it's our bodies way of releasing stuff. And yes stuff is a technical term they don't teach you in nursing school btw. So when you need to cry let it flow! Don't block it like I did. I can't really cry anymore and I miss it!!! So you = normal. Me = not so much... :)
Heather, "Baby Blue's" they are tough but they will also go away shortly. I remember after having Kort and having to take him into the hospital everyday to check his jaundice and one of those days I am sitting in the waiting room and just bawling away. Kort was screaming away.(drawing all kinds of attention) Everyone's looking at me but no matter how hard I tried I could not STOP! It wasn't until this lady came by with a tissue and patted my shoulder and said, "Don't worry..it will be over soon" I had totally forgotten about the "Baby Blues" rough!! Hang in there. It's kind of funny because after she said that, I was able to control myself a little more. It took the blame off me...just knowing it was hormones and not me completely out of control.
Just remember that you are the BEST MOM for your little one.
And if you ever need to talk again, please call me OK.
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